I dislike that handmaid with great intensity. It's because of her that I'm now a dead man walking.
Oftim was returning from her errands while I was washing the car. (It's one of the few things I'm permitted to do; I better enjoy it.) Her bright red robes quickly caught my attention, standing out from the dreary plainness of everything else. She looked discouraged for some reason. My dad always told me to try and cheer a lady up, so I took a chance and waved discreetly at her. She didn't even look at me. Insensitive girl.
I tried again, cocking my hat so she could see my eyes in the light. Leaning against the car with an air of nonchalance, I tried something my dad had told me to do: I whistled at her and gave her a big grin.
She froze. I couldn't see much of her face beyond the white hat, but I could bet a slow smile was creeping up her face. Mom's face always lit up when Dad did that, and I assumed it would be the same for this...woman.
With exagerrated motions, she strutted to the back of the house, walking right past me. I tried smiling at her again, but she didn't respond. It was as if I was just invisible to her, something that must be tolerated. No, not even tolerated. Something that just is. Like a plastic potted plant.
I threw my rag on the ground and stomped on it. Is this what has become of the society? Men can't even look at women without being given the cold shoulder? I understand that the handmaids' only purpose is to bear children in place of barren wives, but that doesn't mean they have to be reduced to some lifeless thing. I really don't care what they do. They could be cooped up with the commander all night and I wouldn't care. Just don't strip away their humanity.
And now, thanks to Oftim, I must walk through life fearing that someone saw me. Because if they did, it's only a matter of time before I'm dead.
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Comrade, do not be so harsh on yourself. The handmaids have been trained to be unrelenting to men. They have been stripped of most emotion by the quality of their duty, they must feel more like a tool than a human. Additionally, the whole of Gilead was created to give women the protection from whistling and all. Be more discreet with your actions, and do kind, subtle gestures to her, and she will get to know you better. She will warm up to you, as I'm sure Offred will to me.
ReplyDeleteI can somewhat relate to you, since I envy the handmaids because they are fertile, and sadly i am not. I am deeply in love with my husband, and it gets me angry of the thought of someone else sleeping with my husband. But through out i have accepted it. Since its their duty, it is not like they want to...
ReplyDeleteI can see your frustration towards Offred for at times she can be very unresponsive. But you must consider her state. She is not allowed even if she wanted to respond to your wistle for she would then be in a act of rebellion. Her place in the houshold is on thin ice. One wrong step could send her to a life of misery in the colonies.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry to much, as she will never tell. If she tells, just turn on her, for who will the commander support, you or her? And next time, do as I have done, and wait until eye contact is made. That is when you know that you can continue on. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out.
ReplyDeleteI understand your frustration. Some Handmaids are completely infuriating in their behavior. From my experience with handmaids, she probably will not report you because you were most likely the first guardian to pay attention to her. Be careful not to be seen or let this get out among other people. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteEye- Paul Kivelson
ReplyDeleteI will have to have you and the hand maid observed. If you commit such treasonous act again I will have have you brought in for questioning, immediately...
Your thoughts are understandable, but your actions are downright mad! Have you no idea what would happen if you were seen? Gilead cannot afford to lose as young and full of promise a man as you.
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